exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
