Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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