so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
