he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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