you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
