We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
