I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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