Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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