"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
