Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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