the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
