Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
