sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
