I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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