How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.