Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.

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  (509): My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work. http://tfl.nu/mmky
  Replies (11) Good night (2532) Bad night (801)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.

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  (401): I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family. http://tfl.nu/wak4
  Replies (31) Good night (5116) Bad night (2114)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left

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  (217): The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left http://tfl.nu/fjkf
  Replies (15) Good night (2399) Bad night (1193)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand

  (816): View more from Missouri

  team rage. no explanation necessary

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  (636): I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand (816): team rage. no explanation necessary http://tfl.nu/mquv
  Replies (2) Good night (2021) Bad night (3281)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?

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  (817): Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect? http://tfl.nu/gdtt
  Replies (11) Good night (3009) Bad night (863)
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  (626): View more from California

  im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.

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  (626): im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again. http://tfl.nu/ai0s
  Replies (6) Good night (1133) Bad night (2273)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.

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  (512): I actually had fun getting arrested. That high. http://tfl.nu/ixl1
  Replies (6) Good night (3186) Bad night (1170)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.

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  (306): I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me. http://tfl.nu/ri8m
  Replies (16) Good night (1007) Bad night (2839)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers

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  (973): now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers http://tfl.nu/pdyb
  Replies (10) Good night (1631) Bad night (1017)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.

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  (918): He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his. http://tfl.nu/1fae
  Replies (32) Good night (3225) Bad night (912)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.

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  (757): Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min. (540): He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd. http://tfl.nu/sjx0
  Replies (1) Good night (859) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?

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  (619): I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in? http://tfl.nu/31ig
  Replies (2) Good night (1277) Bad night (410)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage

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  (774): Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage http://tfl.nu/jljf
  Replies (2) Good night (690) Bad night (364)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.

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  (717): Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move. http://tfl.nu/dnjl
  Replies (6) Good night (914) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA

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  (859): Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA http://tfl.nu/za2f
  Replies (4) Good night (900) Bad night (277)

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