just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.