I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.