he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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