hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your dad touched me again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
