i think my tv is drunk
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
