me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
