It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
