we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
