You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
