1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
