Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
