I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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