dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
