why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
