Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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