Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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