Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
