don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
