So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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