Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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