He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
