You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No I am not eating basil off your cock
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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