just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
