How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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