My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Someone signed my nipple.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
