no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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