im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
