if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
