things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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