He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
