Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
