before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
