Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She bit a glass in half.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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