I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
time to smoke my breakfast
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
