Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
