Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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