Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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