Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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