He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
