we have pet lesbian snakes
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
