What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
