I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
