I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
