I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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