Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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