i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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