Banned from zoo.
Again?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
