Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have fence marks all over my body
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
