This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
