I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
