oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
ttyl tear gas
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize