you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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