You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
