I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
