Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize