Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
