I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We need to get me chipped asap