the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.