Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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