Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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