Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
