she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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